JOE'S BIOGRAPHY
It all started on a brisk morning in October. To be exact, it was 7:18 October 25, 1980. In the future this day will be revered as a global holiday and will accompanied with many parades, and phun festivities that include bobbing for rock badgers. Back to me. After dying three times in birth and coming back, Death grew afraid of me. And now throughout the years we have become friends. For one his real name is Mitch and he is a mediocre Candy Land player. My childhood proved successful. At age one I was already resisting conformity. I had learned how to shed every garment of clothing and run and fall around the house and Sears. At age two I had developed many motor skills and curiosities. For instance, how fast could I remove every heater vent in the house, and how long would it take for me to throw random items down them untill I threw something important down them. Now in the latter end of my second year of life a grave disaster occurred. The downfall of man was put into action. The anti-c...err... my sister was brought into this world. How I rue the day that she came to threaten my joyous control of my home. But, being the strong and crafty toddlers I was, I quickly found ways to suppress her diabolical influence. I would pick on her, put spiders on her eating utensils, put hermit crabs in her bed, etc. She would return the favor buy throwing objects at me, but little did she know that I was invincible. Life was simple and enriching until I entered Kindergarten. This was my first chance to gain power. I quickly became the leader of an outcast group of student by expressing my capabilities with Bristle Block. Yes, to them I was King, but I was soon to learn that rough times were ahead. These times will someday be known as my recluse years. In these years (1987- 1991) I withdrew from mainstream popularity, and used this time to further my knowledge of the world. This carried a price of only controlling those that were hopeless, but this time was needed to reach my future position of ringleader. In middle school I found companionship with Chucky the Finger, Eric the Psycho, and Cross-your-Art. Yes they were my thugs and I was there leader. Together we ran an elaborated pencil scam, buying all the school's BFMS pencils for a dime and reselling them in the school store for 15 cents each. It was paradise, inspite of the many attempts to bring down my empire by the big and stupid. Life was good, but I need to expand my reign. When the opportunity came I went to the township of New Brighton. I quickly came to know a gentleman that went by the name Socco Tron. Well Tron and I planned and deployed my scheme and always avoided trouble. But through all this there was one person that always was a thorn in my side. This person was the Temptress Jilly. She knew my weaknesses and have diabolical way of extracting info from me. If I refused to follow her whims she would strike, and I would be forced to retreat and retaliate. But through the years, she became less of a threat. Tron and I were slowly building a new empire, but we needed to expand membership. And as fate would have it that is the time in which Madman Josh entered the picture. We all gained each others confidence in a rather short period of time. We weren't respect by all, but they knew us and our power, and feared it. The teachers we enraged, the Uno games, endless Hacky Sack circles, declaration of my right place as king of Canada, and the 180 pulled on fairy boy. Our antics will forever live in the history of NBHS. A new activity was added to my schedule during this time. I would go to "the basement" of a spanish spy named Roberto. There we would plan, plot, and execute or plans of domination. This is about the same time that I had reached the pinnacle of my position amongst other students. I was no longer begging girls to go to School Recreational Bodily Interpretation of Music (school dance), they were begging me. These people, mainly the flute section of the high school band, would hound me endlessly with notes and professions of love. The ultimate display of this occured at one of the above mentioned school activities. A beautiful young lady named CurlyFluff was appearing to be distraunt when she wimpered for me to come over. She begged and begged for me to be her escort to the prom. I reluctantly said yes, because I was quietly smittened by her. The year continued towards graduation. I was happy. I had friends, thug, croonies, groupies, a girl, and my trusty steed, the Troll Mobile. We sadly parted our ways at Graduation, and are slowly gaining our places of power once again. It is not over....yet... HOME